Annotating the bible is awkward because both the chapters and verses already have numbers, and it is weird trying to figure out where to best place notations so that they will clearly connect with the associated text, but not interrupt the flow of reading too much. I have done my best, but will continue to adjust the format as my internet technical prowess increases. Please check back frequently, as the Bible is very long and I am still adding my notations.


(NOTE 1: Genesis is a progressive rock band formed in 1967. No idea how the writers of the Bible could have known about them literally thousands of years before the invention of progressive rock.)


1. In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth. (NOTE 2: Where was God standing when he did this?)

2. And the earth was without form, and void; and darkness was upon the face of the deep. And the Spirit of God moved upon the face of the waters. (NOTE 3: Were the darkness and the water already there? If so, disregard note number 2. Apparently, while creating the heaven and the earth, God was standing in the darkness and the water. Or, perhaps he was floating, like Jason Bourne at the beginning of The Bourne Identity. And where did the darkness and the water come from? Did God create them, un-credited?)

3. And God said, Let there be light: (NOTE 4: Who does he say this to? If no one, then why say it? There is no mention of him saying, “Let there be the heaven and the earth.” This clearly establishes that he doesn’t need to say the names of things in order to make them and suggests that maybe he was just being theatrical about creating light because he was particularly pleased with himself. The next line appears to support this.)

3a...and there was light. (NOTE 5: Bible scientists find this bit annoyingly vague. Are the writers of the bible saying that light happened because God told it to happen, or are they merely noting that, “there was light” as in, “there already was light”? The ambiguity about the darkness and the water thing officially opens this one up to speculation and suggests that the writers of the bible could have used another draft or two before settling on their wording.) 

4. And God saw the light, that it was good: and God divided the light from the darkness. (NOTE 6: Many believe that God separated the light from the darkness because the light was good and the darkness was only okay, but I think it was more likely that he was just starting to sort things into piles at this point.)

5. And God called the light Day, and the darkness he called Night. (NOTE 7: This is really sloppy. It should be, “and when it was light, God called it day and when it was dark, God called it night.” This could be a translation problem. The bible was originally written in Foreign.)

5a...And the evening and the morning were the first day. (NOTE 8: The order given here is incorrect. Typically, it goes morning and then evening. This suggests that God might have experimented a bit before deciding to have morning come first. The other possibility is that he changed the naming convention at some point and the writers of the bible were working from his uncorrected, original journal entries.)

6. And God said, Let there be a firmament in the midst of the waters, and let it divide the waters from the waters.

7. And God made the firmament, and divided the waters which were under the firmament from the waters which were above the firmament: and it was so. (NOTE 9: Genesis 6 and 7, taken together open up some very interesting questions. So, first God says, “…let there be a firmament in the midst of the water…” Now, following on the methodology established in Genesis 3, God can make something just by saying let there be such and such. But apparently, this doesn’t work when it comes to the firmament, which he has to actually build himself in the next line. What is going on here? Is it because this is the first solid thing he’s making and it takes more than just words or is it that he’s just doesn’t have the hang of it yet? Of course there’s always the possibility that he was just thinking out loud in 6.)

8. And God called the firmament Heaven. (NOTE 10: What? He already made the heaven in Genesis 1! This seems like pretty solid evidence that God was confused in the beginning. He’s only built four things and he’s already messing up and renaming things the same as other things. There are two commonly posited explanations for this.

A. God was just a baby at this point—which would explain a lot. If this is true, then God deserves some serious credit for making and naming things at all. Of course, this could mean that the names for things like heaven and light are just baby talk in God language rather than actual proper names for things. That would be kind of embarrassing.

B.  God was really groggy because someone drugged him, erased his memory and left him floating in the darkness and the water which is where he woke up at the beginning of the Bible. Who drugged God? Why? These are two of the 42 Bible's Abiding Mysteries, the 42 BAMs for short.)

8a...And the evening and the morning were the second day. (NOTE 11: Again with the wrong order. Also, why does God keep leaving out night after going to all the trouble of naming it? It seems highly likely that, in the beginning, God had it go evening, morning, night, day, which would have meant that there were two light cycles in each 24 hour period. I think the writers of the bible are probably leaving this out because they are covering for God. Either that or they weren't sure what to make of it themselves and so decided just to leave it out.)

9. And God said, Let the waters under the heaven be gathered together unto one place, and let the dry land appear: and it was so. (NOTE 12: God seems to have finally gotten the hang of making things happen just by saying them.)

10. And God called the dry land Earth; (NOTE 13: More evidence of confusion. It's clear that the dry-land-Earth he has just named is not the same as the earth he made in Genesis 1, suggesting that he might actually have been experiencing some kind of trouble with his short-term memory. While some Bibologists use this to support their contention that God was actually unwittingly given flunitrazepam, sold under the brand name Rohypnol and referred to on the street as ruffies, it could just as easily serve as an indication that God had received a significant blow to the head prior to the beginning.)

10a...and the gathering together of the waters called he Seas: and God saw that it was good.

11. And God said, Let the earth bring forth grass, the herb yielding seed, and the fruit tree yielding fruit after his kind, whose seed is in itself, upon the earth: (NOTE 14: This wording is critical. It’s why there aren’t any sky trees that grow fruit.)

11a...and it was so.

12. And the earth brought forth grass, and herb yielding seed after his kind, and the tree yielding fruit, whose seed was in itself, after his kind:(NOTE 15: This is the first ever instance of belaboring a point, but it seems to have been pretty important to God to establish right away that when he told something to do something, it did it, no questions asked. Also, God was pretty adamant that seeds should be on the inside of fruit rather than on the outside. The same does not apply for corn.)

12a...and God saw that it was good. (NOTE 16: God likes plants. So now we know he likes light and plants. That’s two good things out of six, unless you also count the bit with the Earth and the Seas in Genesis 10. Most Bibologists do not count this as it is unclear whether Genesis 10 is intended to indicate that God liked the Earth and the Seas, or merely liked the names he'd come up with for them. This remains a raging debate in Bible Science circles. It is my personal interpretation, based on all the evidence, that God was just fond of the names. My main supporting proof is that he'd already used Earth twice.)

13. And the evening and the morning were the third day. (NOTE 17: The heaven, the earth, light, darkness, firmament and plants. He made these six things in three days. That’s two things a day and he only thought one third of them were really any good. More evidence that God was not feeling his best during the early part of the beginning.)

14. And God said, Let there be lights in the firmament of the heaven to divide the day from the night; and let them be for signs, and for seasons, and for days, and years: (NOTE 18: I don't mean to nitpick here, but AND is a conjunction, meant to join two independent clauses. It's okay to start a sentence with AND once in a while, but this is 16 sentences in a row. Essentially, every sentence so far except the first one. Come on.)

15. And let them be for lights in the firmament of the heaven to give light upon the earth: and it was so.

16. And God made two great lights; the greater light to rule the day, and the lesser light to rule the night: he made the stars also.

17. And God set them in the firmament of the heaven to give light upon the earth,

18. And to rule over the day and over the night, and to divide the light from the darkness: (NOTE 19: While there’s a lot of repetition in these passages that may seem unnecessary today, at the time God was making the stars, sun and moon, it was all pretty new and nobody was really sure what they were supposed to be for. Hence, they go over it a few times for clarity.)

18a...and God saw that it was good. (NOTE 20: This really helps God’s average of good stuff to just okay stuff quite a bit unless you lump all these lights together as one thing.)

19. And the evening and the morning were the fourth day. (NOTE 21: God still hasn’t worked out the 24 hour cycle yet.)

20. And God said, Let the waters bring forth abundantly the moving creatures that hath life, (NOTE 22: This is the first instance ever of delegating.)

20a... and fowl... (NOTE 23: Proof that birds originally came from the oceans rather than evolving from dinosaurs. I've seen dinosaur bones, and there is no way you can convince me that those things could fly. Except the flying ones, which aren't technically dinosaurs anyway, they are pterosaurs.)

20b...that may fly above the earth in the open firmament of heaven. (NOTE 24: This is why birds can't fly under water or under ground. I've heard it argued that this statement should also prohibit birds from flying anywhere in the Southern Hemisphere, like Australia, because they'd technically be flying below the Earth rather than above it, but I think God understood that whatever part of the planet you were standing on, you would think you were facing up and consequently percieve the sky as being above the earth. Pretty sure this is why he clarified with the otherwise superfluous thing about "in the open firmament of heaven." This line is also why birds don't have to fly all of the time and why all birds don't have to fly. God doesn't say that they WILL fly above the earth in the open firmament of heaven, but that they MAY do it. So, it's kind of their choice. This explains penguins.)

21. And God created great whales, and every living creature that moveth, which the waters brought forth abundantly, after their kind, and every winged fowl after his kind: (NOTE 25: Interesting that the great whales get a special mention. It is generally accepted that they were the only sea creatures explicitly named because they are very big and God wanted to make sure everyone knew he made them. I think there's slightly more to it than that, but more on this shortly.)

21a. and God saw that it was good. (NOTE 26: Clearly, God is getting better at making good things.)

22. And God blessed them, saying, Be fruitful and multiply, and fill the waters in the seas, (NOTE 27: This is the first time a euphemism was ever used for sex, and is also, and not coincidentally, the first time sex was ever mentioned. It’s interesting that God already knew to beat around the bush on this subject. The other possibility is that he was slightly embarrassed by the whole thing.)

22a... and let fowl multiply in the earth. (NOTE 28: This is very interesting as it answers that age old question, "Which came first, the chicken or the egg?" Clearly, God is telling us that birds used to be born from the dirt- IN THE EARTH- rather than from eggs. This is probably because God hadn't thought of eggs yet as there were no people around to eat them. The original multiplying-in-the-earth way made birds kind of unsanitary and got their feathers all caked with mud so that they were pretty stupid looking and it took them a lot longer to figure out how to fly. It's not really clear when God finally told the birds to lay eggs, but it clearly happened some time after Genesis.)

23. And the evening and the morning were the fifth day. (NOTE 29: I’m going to stop noting the daylight cycle discrepancy now. I think I’ve made my point.)

24. And God said, Let the earth bring forth the living creature after his kind, cattle, and creeping thing, and beast of the earth after his kind: and it was so. (NOTE 30: Of all of the creatures of the earth, God only names the cattle specifically. This is because God loves milk. He also loves honey. More on that later.)

25. And God made the beast of the earth after his kind, and cattle... (NOTE 31: See. He mentions the cattle a second time. Even the whales didn’t get that.)

25a...after their kind, and every thing that creepeth upon the earth after his kind: and God saw that it was good. (NOTE 32: Some Bibologists claim that God had not yet created chiggers, ticks, fleas, lice and their ilk, which are included in the category of "things that creepeth upon people." They site as their evidence that God sees the creeping creatures he's made and thinks they are good, which clearly wouldn't have been what he would have thought about chiggers, ticks, fleas, lice and their ilk. I personally believe that God actually did create these creeping things in verse 25 but that, since there were no people to creep upon yet, they seemed sort of harmless and it wasn't clear to God how icky they were going to turn out.)

26. And God said, Let us... (NOTE 33: This is either God talking to himself and using the royal “we” as the first ever incidences of both egoism and pretension, or he’s actually talking to somebody else. Who he might be talking to is the third of the 42 BAM's.)

26a... make man... (NOTE 34: Rookie mistake. Undisputable evidence that God was either confused or an infant.)

26b... in our image, (NOTE 35: Most bible scientists have interpreted this passage to mean that God built humans to look like God, which is a stupid interpretation because God goes out of his way to appear in all kinds of different forms, like burning bushes, that don’t look a thing like humans. It’s pretty clear that the actual intent of this passage was to indicate that God built humans inside of his own image, meaning that God looks like the universe.)

26c... after our likeness: (NOTE 36: This is a really very awkward way of saying that God imagined that he would like the humans after building them inside his own image. He should have said, "Let us make man in our image, and we'll probably like that when we're done. Man, I mean. We'll probably like man after that." I’m assuming that God actually said it the way it's written here and that the writers just quoted him verbatim even though they probably thought it was kind of funky.)

26d... and let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over the cattle, and over all the earth, and over every creeping thing that creepeth upon the earth. (NOTE 37: Not the whales. God specifically says the fish of the sea and the creeping things on the earth, even going so far as to list the cattle by name. But he leaves out mammals that spend their entire lives in water, even though he just finished the whales. Given that God is omnipotent, I can’t imagine that failing to mention them was accidental. Clearly, he never intended for humans to have dominion over the whales and their ilk.)

27. So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them. (NOTE 38: This is obviously the writers of the bible having some fun at God’s expense because even God wouldn't have messed up this badly. The funky sentence structures are meant to poke fun at God’s awkward use of language on the whole “after our likeness” thing. The general consensus amongst bible scholars is that the writers probably weren't trying to embarrass God, as that would kind of be asking for it, but that they never actually thought anyone else would actually read the whole bible, or if they did, they'd probably skim some of the early bits, so they figured it would be alright to mess with God a bit. Clearly, God was okay with it, or he would have made them start over. This is solid evidence that God hadn't started taking himself too seriously yet.)

28. And God blessed them, (NOTE 39: They had sneezed.)

28a... and God said unto them, Be fruitful, (NOTE 40: Still beating around the bush.)

28b... and multiply, (NOTE 41: Actually indicating that they should learn math.)

28c... and replenish the earth, and subdue it: and have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over every living thing that moveth upon the earth. (NOTE 42: Again, the important thing to note here is how God leaves the whales out of this. Man can have dominion over the earth and all of the stuff that creeps on it, and he can have dominion over the birds, and over the fish of the sea—but God does not say anywhere that man can have dominion over the mammals of the water. So, this would include dolphins and porpises and their ilk.)

29. And God said, Behold, I have given you every herb bearing seed, which is upon the face of all the earth, and every tree, in the which is the fruit of a tree yielding seed; to you it shall be for meat. (NOTE 43: Meat used to grow on trees.)

30. And to every beast of the earth, and to every fowl of the air, and to every thing that creepeth upon the earth, wherein there is life, (NOTE 44: This is why robots don’t have to eat.)

30a... I have given every green herb for meat: and it was so. (NOTE 45: Clearly, God never intended for animals, fish or birds to eat fruit. It’s unclear when animals began disobeying God and eating fruit, but it is generally accepted that the monkeys started it. A few bible scientists have suggested that the monkeys should be cut a little slack as they may have been confused and believed that God was also speaking to them when he was speaking to the first man and woman because monkeys are so genetically similar to humans. Personally, I don’t see how monkeys could have made a mistake like that and I suspect they were just being cheeky. Once the other animals saw the monkeys eating fruit, there was probably no stopping them from trying it themselves, and now all kinds of animals eat fruit like they have a right to it. This is actually why the animals got thrown out of the Garden of Eden. I’m pretty sure there was supposed to be a chapter about this, chapter 3A, but there are no extant versions of the bible that still include it.)

31. And God saw every thing that he had made, and, behold, it was very good. (NOTE 46: This is the first instance ever of God changing his mind about something. When he first built them, God didn’t say that the heaven and the earth and the firmament were good. He specifically didn’t say that. Much like the darkness and the water, he had mixed feelings about these things and thought they were just okay at best. But once he got everything spruced up with herbs and plants and seeds and creeping things, it all looked a lot better.)

31a... And the evening and the morning were the sixth day. (NOTE 47: On the sixth day, God figured out that the order was wrong and finally fixed the 24 hour cycle. This was probably noted in early drafts of the bible with an additional passage that said something like: "32. And God realized that the order of the division of the day and the night was kind of screwy and he maketh the morning to go before the day and then evening to cometh after that and then the night to finish up. And the lord saw that this was way better." The consensus in bible circles is that this line was cut to keep the word count down.)